If Only
by CBloom2
Summary: Using some of the spoilers from the preview of the next few episodes - wedding - explosions - but making it about Ethan and Cal (you wouldn't expect anything less from me would you?) - will not have a happy ending, sorry.
1. Chapter 1

**So how amazing do the next few episodes look? And aww, how cute was Ethan asking Noel's permission to take Honey on a date...finally!**

 **So this story is going to take some parts of what we've seen in the preview, but I'm going to 'make it my own' (as Louis Walsh likes to say), which, to you and me means it's going to be about Ethan and Cal.**

 **I am not a doctor, or anything vaguely medical so if I get anything wrong then I'm sorry.**

 **Warning: You may not like me by the end of the story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anyone that you recognise - you should know that by now.**

 **If Only...**

Why would his ears not stop ringing? Dr Ethan Hardy thought as he pulled himself up off the floor. He was covered in dust and debris. He shook himself in order to clear his his clothes, and hopefully his ears too. Where was he? Will someone please turn off the infuriating ringing!

He glanced round noticing flowers, tablecloths flung around. Ah yes, a wedding. Zoe and Max's wedding. They were just having their first dance...he had heard some raised voices, he had turned round to make sure that Cal wasn't upsetting anyone...someone had shouted something about a fire...explosion. Suddenly, memories of what happened not more than ten minutes ago flowed into Ethan. An explosion had torn through the wedding reception.

By now he was on his feet anxiously looking round for people that he recognised. Where was his brother? He had seen Cal making his way towards the bar...he swung round shocked to see that the bar had all but disappeared. So where was his brother? "Cal," he tried to shout, but his voice died as he breathed in some more dust. He coughed quite violently as he moved a table out of his way in his quest to find his brother. Then he remembered..."Honey!" His voice was stronger now. His new girlfriend was also no-where to be seen. She had left him to find the ladies toilet...why couldn't he find anyone?

"Ethan! Ethan! Can you help me?" He whirled round towards the voice to find a stricken Max dashing towards him.

"Max, what happened? Where is everyone?"

Max shook his head forcefully, "I...I don't know. I can't find Robyn or Zoe... I can't find my wife!"

"I haven't seen Cal or Honey. I need to know where they are - I need to know that they're safe!" Ethan could feel desperation flowing through him as he carried on scanning the room.

"Ethan! Thank god I've found you," Lofty dashed towards his two friends, "I need your help - now! I've got Zoe and Charlie..."

He didn't have to finish as both young men followed the curly haired nurse, "Looks like Zoe was blown into the water - Charlie rescued her. Charlie seems ok but Zoe is unconscious..." Lofty explained breathlessly.

They soon came across the stricken doctor, "Zoe!" Max yelled as he fell to his knees beside his new wife. Ethan took a couple of seconds to assess Charlie as he to dropped to his knees. Charlie nodded to him, which gave Ethan permission to leave him and see to Zoe, "Ok, Lofty, you assess Charlie..." he smiled slightly as he realised that Charlie was already wearing Lofty's coat.

Ethan set about assessing the bride, while her groom silently gripped her hand, obviously hoping to send whatever strength he had in him through to her, "I'm assuming that the emergency services have been called," Ethan commented.

"I've called them," Lofty told him, "Five minutes out."

"Wow, Lofty, thank goodness you're here," Ethan told him, happy to see a smile on the nurse's face.

As if on cue, they heard the sirens, "Sounds like a whole fleet..." Ethan tried to lighten the mood.

"Ethan, how's Zoe," Max asked, desperate for news.

"Can't be certain of anything until she's in the hospital where we can do tests but it's all looking positive," he told the worried groom, "Charlie did a great job at getting Zoe out very quickly..."

Max looked towards the nurse, "I don't know how to thank you Charlie..."

"You don't need to - I'd have done it for anyone."

"Erm, I don't suppose anyone has seen Cal or Honey?" Ethan asked hopefully. But that hope was dashed when everyone shook their heads.

"Emergency services are here now, so they'll get everyone out Ethan," Charlie answered. Ethan nodded, then smiled slightly as the paramedices arrived.

Fifteen minutes later, Ethan arrived at the ED with Zoe and Max in tow. Charlie and Lofty were following close behind. Ethan hadn't wanted to go in the ambulance but he had been persuaded to go because he was Zoe's attending doctor plus they were short staffed in the ED due to most of the doctors being at the wedding. He had reluctantly agreed after leaving strict instructions that he was to be phoned as soon as anyone had found his brother and his girlfriend.

Zoe was wheeled into Resus 1, where he once again assessed her condition and made some notes. Luckily Zoe had started to regain consciousness as she travelled in the ambulance, "How are you doing?" Ethan asked gently.

"Feel like I've got the hangover from hell, but without the fun part," she told him as her eyes searched for her husband, who had not left her side.

"Right, well, I'm going to send you for a CT and a MRI - can't be to careful."

"How's everyone?" Zoe asked quietly.

"Well, Charlie is fine, if a little soggy," Ethan tried to lighten the mood slightly, "Lofty is fine, in fact he's better than fine, he's been organising everyone, but, erm, I don't know about..."

"Cal? Dylan? Connie?"

" I don't know Zoe - but I'm sure we'll find something out soon - ah here we go - let's get you to CT," he smiled kindly at one of his bosses.

"Thank you Ethan," Zoe said as she was wheeled away. Max patted his back as he passed him to show him his appreciation.

Suddenly - silence. Ethan immediately felt very lonely. He checked his phone to see if there had been any messages - nothing. Without warning, his breathing began to change. It became slightly more erratic. Why wasn't he hearing anything?

Then a thought struck him, he hadn't tried phoning his brother. How stupid was he? Immediately he punched the buttons to connect to Cal. It went to voicemail, "Cal, it's me," he breathed, "I'm alright but I need to know that you are. Please call me as soon as you get this...I just need to know big brother."

When he finished that message, he tried Honey's phone. Same again, voicemail, "Honey, it's Ethan. I'm at the hospital - I'm alright but I had to look after Zoe - please ring me when you get this - please let me know that you're alright."

He placed the phone back in his pocket and slowly made his way out of Resus 1.

"Dr Hardy," he heard his name. He looked to see Jacob, the new nurse, looking at him with concern, "Why don't you go and get a coffee and have a rest in the staff room. Dr Hanna is in CT and we don't have any more casualitites at the moment, although they will arrive soon. Take some time, you look beat."

Ethan nodded his appreciation, "Yes, thanks, I think I will," he said as he made his way to the staff room.

He went to push the staff room door open, when it was wrenched from his grasp. In his shock, he very nearly fell through the open door, right into the arms of an extrememly irrate Lofty, "Ethan! Thank god. Something's wrong with Charlie..."

Ethan glanced around the stricken young nurse to catch a glimpse of the older nurse. He noticed that Charlie was extrememly pale and there was a thin sheen of perspiration on his face. He crouched down in front of the older man, and became aware of lines of pain around his eyes, "Charlie, where does it hurt?"

Charlie looked right at the young doctor, "Chest," he gasped out, "Arm..."

Ethan nodded, "Lofty, please get me a chair as quickly as possible..."

Lofty dashed out to find a wheelchair as Ethan continued to monitor the older man, "Do you have any tablets or a spray?"

"I have my GTN spray in my jacket pocket," Charlie told him as he tried to reach his jacket. Ethan put out his hands to stop Charlie moving around. He quickly located the jacket and found the spray. He gave it to the nurse, who sprayed it into his mouth. Suddenly Lofty, closely followed by a dusty looking Connie barrelled into the staff room, "Well Charlie, not just content with being a hero, you have to play a wounded one too," Connie smiled gently.

Had Charlie been his usual self he would've laughed at her comment. He did try to smile, but it turned into a grimace.

"Mrs Beauchamp, are you alright?" Ethan asked, happy to see someone else that he knew.

"Well I'm here aren't I?" She shot back at the young doctor.

"Yes, but that doesn't tell me much - we are in a hospital," Ethan heard Lofty snigger. Connie was about to say something scathing but decided against it - besides the young doctor did have a point.

"What can you tell me Dr Hardy?" Business like once more.

"Dr Hanna is up in CT, but all the signs are good. Was about to have a coffee when Lofty told me about Charlie. Chest pains, slight shortness of breath, pains in his left arm...just had a blast of his GTN spray - made it any better Charlie?"

The nurse began to shake his head, but it suddenly dropped towards his chest, "Ok let's get him to Resus 1. The spray doesn't seem to have had any affect this time. Let's get him on a monitor and see what we are dealing with..." Connie barked out as the four of them set off for Resus.

Ten long minutes passed in Resus 1, but Charlie was not making any headway. Ethan and Connie were both at a loss. They had tried everything that they knew, but now it was down to Charlie - all they could do was monitor him. Ethan noticed Lofty standing to one side, his hand to his mouth as if trying to stop himself from shouting out. The young doctor stepped towards him, "I know it's scary Lofty, but this is Charlie, he's strong..."

"He's had so much lately, what if he decides that he doesn't want to be strong any more?" Lofty cried.

"Well, then, there's nothing else we can do..." Ethan told him sadly.

A tear fell down Lofty's face as he strode towards his mentor...his hero.

"Why did you have to be a hero?" he questioned the older nurse, who's eyes were still closed. He leaned forward and kissed him gently on the forehead. He wiped the tears from his face and turned to leave.

As Lofty walked through the doors, he became aware of a flurry of activity. He looked up and noticed Cal striding though with Noel and Big Mac. Lofty let out a sigh of relief at seeing his friends walking, seemingly alright. He noticed Cal looking into Resus 1 - relief evident on the young doctor's face at seeing his brother at work. Lofty was about to open the doors to tell Ethan that Cal was there, when the older brother caught his arm and shook his head. Before Lofty could ask why he didn't want him to call his brother, Cal inclined his head towards the stretcher that they were bringing in. Lofty glanced and could see straight away that the person on the stretcher had a very small chance of survival. He caught Noel's eyes - eyes that held hope but also recognition that it was a very slim hope that the person on the stretcher would pull through...that his daughter would pull through.

 **Well there's chapter 1. It will probably be three chapters long. Next chapter will be from Cal's point of view, so I hope you want to read it. Also for the purpose of this story they are going to have two separate Resus rooms 1 and 2 - you'll see why as we progress.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed and favourited this story - I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter, and I appreciate every one of you taking the time to read it. Onto chapter 2...**

Chapter 2

Dr Caleb Knight coughed loudly as he took in the scene around him. Cries and screams pierced the eerie silence that had now descended upon the once chaotic area. For a moment, Caleb just stood and surveyed the damage caused by the explosion. How could such a joyous occasion have turned into such carnage. He glanced behind him where the bar once stood. He had been on his way there but had decided to go to the loo first and looking at it now, he was so glad that he had, there seemed to be nothing left of it. Firemen and rescue workers were now starting to make their way in, prioritising on their feet.

Cal began to stumble through the wreckage as one thought suddenly dominated his mind, "Ethan!" he yelled as loudly as his hoarse voice would let him. Unfortunately, there was no answer to his call. He took out his mobile phone, disappointed to see that it was smashed - God he hoped his brother was alright.

Suddenly, he heard his name being called and he turned towards the direction it was coming from, hoping that it was Ethan - it was Noel and although he was happy to see that he was uninjured, he couldn't help the stab of anxiety that pierced him that it wasn't his brother.

He soon slipped into doctor mode when he realised how painfully anxious Noel seemed to be, "What's wrong Noel?"

The normally cheery receptionist looked at Cal with dread, "It's Honey..."

Cal immediately followed Noel, stumbling over debris and coughing as dust continued to irritate his lungs.

They came across Big Mac who was sat beside someone, talking calmly and quietly. When he saw Cal, he looked relieved and sad all at the same time. Knowing that Big Mac had once been a paramedic, seeing that look on his face made Cal feel sick - she was obviously not in a good way.

Noel swapped with Mac as the older man took Cal slightly to one side, "It looks like one of the metal poles holding the flower arrangement is protruding from her abdomen - she's losing blood...Cal," he stopped the young doctor as he moved round him, "Have you seen Ethan?"

At the mention of his brother's name Cal sucked in a deep breath, then shook his head sadly, "I called out but he didn't answer..."

Mac could see that the young doctor was trying to work things out in his head, and was looking increasingly distressed. He patted his arm in comfort, "I'm sure he's fine," he told him. Cal nodded his appreciation but he also knew what Mac was trying to tell him - that Honey may not make it. That in itself was enough to make Cal move heaven and earth to make sure that she did!

He crouched by the other side of the young woman, who was barely conscious, "Honey, can you hear me?" he asked gently, relieved that she was able to turn her head towards him.

"Cal," she gasped, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine - let's worry about you shall we," he wanted to cry.

"Is Ethan alright?" he noticed a tear slide down the side of her face.

He leaned over to wipe it away, "Ethan's fine - he's saving someone's life, that's why he's not here..." he hated lying to her, but if these really were her last hours, he didn't want her thinking that his brother didn't care as that couldn't be further from the truth.

Honey smiled as she turned her head towards her father, "My superhero," she told Noel, who managed a teary smile.

"More like a court jester," Cal told her.

"That's what he always tells me," she tried to laugh but it turned into a painful cough, causing both men to try to quieten her down.

"Now Honey, you need to stay as still as you can - can you do that for me?" Cal asked, as he checked her pulse, it was slowing down.

"Can't go very far with this in my way," she whispered, acknowledging the pipe sticking out of her.

"Very true. We need the professionals in to get you out of here and I don't want to take it out until we're at the hospital. Ok Honey?" He could see that she was finding it very difficult to keep her eyes open.

"Honey, I need to you stay awake for me. Tell me about your first date with Ethan..." Cal was desperately trying to think of things to keep her talking.

"It was perfect," she breathed, causing Cal to smile, "But when he kissed me goodnight, he nearly missed."

"What do you mean?" Noel asked.

"He was so nervous dad..." Noel and Cal chuckled.

"Sounds like my brother," Cal commented, once again finding himself concerned about where his brother was.

"He's just so lovely..." she drifted off as her eyes shut. Noel dropped his head as tears fell down his face. Big Mac put a hand on his shoulder in comfort as Cal kept his fingers on her pulse, "She's just unconscious, but we need to get her out now!" He jumped to his feet, going in search of someone to help them.

Thankfully, within twenty minutes they were striding forcefully through the entrance to the ED. As soon as they were through the doors Cal instructed them to take her to Resus.

"Resus 1 is busy - it'll have to be 2," Rita, who had only arrived herself five minutes ago, told him, her face grim.

He nodded and followed the stretcher. As he passed Resus 1 he glanced in and was shocked to see Charlie on the bed, hooked up to monitors and an oxygen mask over his face. Then he noticed the doctor tending to him. The releif that flowed through the young doctor at seeing his brother nearly sent him to his knees.

Without warning, the doors to Resus 1 flew open and Lofty almost knocked him down. He had tears still running down his face, but he smiled happily at seeing Cal. Cal noticed that the curly haired nurse was about to go back to call Ethan, but he stopped him. Although he wanted nothing more than to see his brother up close, to make sure he really was alright - he had to try to save Honey first. Cal motioned towards the stretcher, recognition flashing across Lofty's face - recognition of who was on the stretcher and of why Cal didn't want his brother just yet.

As soon as they arrived in Resus 2 everyone set to work. Big Mac moved Noel to one side so that they had as much room as they needed. Cal barked out orders forcefully - he would apologise for his abruptness at a later time - he had his brother's girlfriend to save.

After ten minutes, he became aware of a slowing of Honey's heartbeat once more - they needed her stable so that she could go to theatre to have the pole removed. The monitors around him told him that that wasn't happening at the moment.

He felt a soft, ghost like touch to his hand. He was surprised to see Honey's eyes open a little, "Noel," he called her father, who stepped forward towards the head of the bed. He stroked her hair gently as they exchanged quiet words that Cal couldn't hear.

"Cal, she wants to talk to you," Noel told him a few minutes later as he swapped places with the doctor.

Cal mimicked what Noel did - gently stroking her hair, "Now then missy, you need to keep your strength up...no talking..."

"I'm not stupid Cal..." she breathed, "I know it's not good - I can feel it..."

Once again, tears leaked from her eyes, trickling down the side of her face, "Will you tell Ethan I've really loved our time together..."

Cal swallowed a huge lump that had formed in his throat, "Now then, you can tell him yourself..."

She weakly patted his hand, "Cal, please..."

Cal dropped his head, "I will," he whispered.

"Look after him - he'll blame himself."

He'll not be the only one, thought Cal as he saw the brave young womans eyes close once more.

"Cal, her blood pressure is bottoming out..." Rita, who had cleaned up and was assisting, alerted him.

No more that a few seconds passed when a single long beep was heard on the monitors.

"No...Honey..." Noel called, collapsing into Big Mac's arms, as silent tears fell from the older man.

Cal immediately began CPR, stopping every few minutes for a pulse check. He kept looking at Rita who was trying to push oxygen through the barista's system - her eyes were shining with unshed tears as she shook her head.

"No that's not acceptable - let's shock her," Cal demanded as he took hold of the defibrilator.

And so it continued for a good half a hour. Shocking her, CPR, pulse checks - Cal couldn't give up even though he was exhausted and in his heart, he knew that she'd gone.

He was half way through another cycle of CPR when he felt a hand touching his, stopping him, "No Rita..." he mumbled, "Come on Honey...for your dad - for Ethan..."

"Cal," he heard. He turned his own tear stained face to see Noel looking at him, "You've done everything that you could. You've done above and beyond - she was lucky to have you as her doctor..." Noel turned away as Cal looked towards Rita who now had her own tears falling down her face.

Cal took a deep breath, wiped his face and turned off the machines, "Time of death..."

 **I told you that you wouldn't like me by the end of it! I'm evil I know. Ethan and Honey have only just got together and I've killed off any chances of a happy ever after.**

 **I'm not medically inclined so I've tried to skirt over any medical stuff. Hope it's ok.**

 **Now all Cal's got to do is tell his brother that he couldn't save his girlfriend - not an easy conversation - hope I can do it justice.**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for not hating me! I know I was evil doing what I did but it makes good drama!**

 **This is the final chapter - it could possibly be quite a long one as I don't really want to split it up but if I find that it does drag on a bit, I will make it two chapters.**

 **You may need tissues - depends on whether I pull off the sadness.**

 **Here goes...**

 **If Only...chapter 3**

"Noel...I'm so sorry...I..."

"Cal, you tried everything - I could see that. You never gave up. Thank you mate," Noel said sincerely with tears rolling down his face.

"I'll leave you alone with her," Cal replied sadly as he turned to leave.

He began to make his way out of the ED when the only voice that he had needed to hear all night, yet the last voice he wanted to hear at that moment in time stopped him in his tracks.

"Cal!"

He halted but he couldn't bring himself to face his brother's relieved and eager face. That choice, however, was taken from him when Ethan appeared in front of him, "Cal! Are you alright? I called you..."

Cal took his phone out of his pocket to show that it was broken, but he still couldn't look at him.

"Thank god," Ethan breathed, "I was so worried..."

He then grabbed his brother into an uncharacteristic tight embrace, which Cal returned, thankful that his brother was physically alright. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before they broke apart. Then came the dreaded question, "Did you see Honey?"

Cal sucked in a deep breath, he could feel the colour draining from his face as he now looked at Ethan's hopeful face creased with concern, "Cal are you sure you're alright? You've gone really pale."

Cal took a moment to compose himself as he readied to tell his brother the bad news when suddenly Ethan's expression changed as he looked over the taller man's shoulder.

Closing his eyes briefly, Cal turned, knowing before he'd opened his eyes again that Ethan had seen Noel.

The younger man strode towards the stricken man, "Noel?" he croaked.

"Oh Ethan..." the older man sobbed as he brought the doctor into a hug. As a surprised Ethan returned the hug, he caught Big Mac throwing a sad glance towards Cal, who shook his head sadly, "Cal..." Ethan whispered as he let go of Noel.

Big Mac took hold of Noel and ushered him away, leaving the two brothers stood alone.

Cal put his arm around his younger brother, "Ethan, Honey was hit by debris - she lost a lot of blood - we couldn't get her to surgery..."

"Is she...?" Ethan couldn't finish the sentence.

Cal coughed slightly, "I'm afraid so. I'm so sorry Ethan...I..."

By now, Ethan had thrown his brother's arm off him and had pushed the door to Resus open before Cal had had time to move. Rita, who had been looking after Honey, came out and laid a hand on Cal's arm, "I'll leave you two - let me know if you need anything," she told him, her eyes still shining.

"Thank you," he choked out as he followed his brother.

Once inside the room, Cal stayed at the back, not wanting to intrude. He watched, though his vision was blurred, as his brother perched himself on the edge of the bed. Thankfully, Rita had already taken off all the leads to the monitors and had managed to clean her face of blood and dirt, so it just looked like she was asleep. Ethan had taken hold of her hand that was nearest to him as his gaze swept over her. His hand ghosted over the slight lump in the blanket where the steel pole hadn't been removed. Cal cleared his throat, "I couldn't get her stable enough to let her go to surgery - I didn't dare do it in the ED - maybe if I had..."

Ethan was shaking his head, "You know that's not what we do in those situations," he told him as he bent lower to place a kiss on her cheek. He then placed the hand that he held up to his own cheek, "I'm so sorry Honey..." he whispered. Cal felt a tear roll down his face and he angrily swiped it away.

"Cal," he thought he heard his brother whisper, "Cal," he heard it again.

Cal took a step towards him not sure what he was meant to do until Ethan caught his gaze, then he strode forward and wrapped his little brother in a one armed embrace, mindful that the younger man did not want to let go of his girlfriend just yet.

"Did she suffer?" Ethan needed to know.

"I don't know, " Cal answered honestly, "If she did, she didn't show it. She was amazingly brave. She had a smile on her face until the last moment. She wanted me to tell you that she had loved the time that you had spent together..."

Ethan smiled as tears tracked down his face and nodded his appreciation. He took a deep breath that ended up sounding like a ragged sob, "This wasn't supposed to happen. If only I'd not spent so much time being scared to ask her out - we'd have had more time together. She had everything to live for. If only we'd had more time..." Ethan trailed off as he once again placed her hand against his cheek and silent tears poured down his face.

Cal felt like he had stopped breathing. His chest was tight and he felt dizzy. He needed to get out of there, he could't take seeing his distraught brother any longer - not when it was his fault.

He spun on his heels and barrelled out of the room, almost knocking Connie over in the process, "I'm sorry Mrs Beauchamp," he choked out.

Connie took hold of his arm, "Don't worry...Cal...?" she could see that he was at breaking point.

"It's all my fault...this..." he pointed to Resus, "I couldn't save her."

"I heard what happened Cal - no-one could've done any more than you did."

"It wasn't enough!" he shouted, "It's wasn't enough," he repeated a little more quietly. With that, he stormed out of the ED.

Hearing his brother's raised voice broke Ethan out of his daze. He turned towards the door to see Connie standing at the window looking in at him. He could tell that she was waiting for his permission to go in which he gave in the form of a small incline of his head.

Connie walked in quietly, her face sombre. She placed a hand on Ethan's shoulder as she looked at Honey, "She looks so peaceful," she commented.

Ethan smiled as he leaned over to smooth Honey's shiny hair, "I'm so very sorry Ethan," she told him, her voice catching.

"Thank you," he breathed out, "Although it doesn't seem real."

"I know that feeling. It's like it's happening to someone else," she agreed.

"Is Cal alright?" Ethan enquired, confused when Connie started shaking her head.

"You are something else Dr Hardy, do you know that? Everything that his happening to you and you are still worried about your brother." She wasn't being horrible, she was just amazed by the young doctor.

"I know him though. He's blaming himself isn't he?" Ethan looked sad once more.

Connie didn't want to burden the young man with any more problems but he needed to know the truth, "Yes, I believe that he is."

"I don't know why," Noel's voice invaded the silence. Neither Ethan or Connie had heard him enter, "He tried everything to save her. He wouldn't give up at all. I told him to stop..." he looked mortified at admitting that he was the one who stopped Cal from trying to save his daughter's life. Big Mac moved forward once more to comfort the distraught man. Ethan got off the bed and moved to Noel, who looked wary of the young doctor, not knowing what his reaction would be to what he had just told him, "You did the right thing for Honey, and that's what counts," Ethan placed his hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. Noel smiled slightly, relieved that Ethan hadn't blown up at him.

"Will you stay with Honey until I get back?" Ethan asked - as if Noel needing asking, but he needed to find his brother.

Noel had already taken Ethan's place on the edge of his daughters bed, so Ethan made his way to the door, "Ethan, I saw him leaving earlier..." Mac informed him.

"Thank you," Ethan said as he left the room in search of his brother.

Ethan knew, without doubt, that Cal wouldn't leave the hospital while he was having the day from hell, so he made his way to the peace garden, smiling slightly when he saw the person that he was looking for slumped on a bench.

Ethan took a seat next to him and they sat in an awkward silence for a few seconds, "Cal, please don't do this," Ethan opened the conversation.

"Don't do what?" Cal had sat up a little straighter, but had not looked at him.

"Don't blame yourself. I know what happened. Noel told me, Connie told me - I could even see it on your face before I knew about Honey."

"I tried and I tried...I wanted to save her so badly...for you. You were both so happy - I wanted to see you happy for so long...and I screwed it up!" Cal had tears falling down his face once again, but this time he just let them fall.

"You did see me happy Cal. I was very happy with her, and I'm just so thankful that I had that time with her. If anything it was my fault..."

Cal swung round to face him, "How did you work that one out? You weren't the one who couldn't get her stable enough," he snapped.

"No, but I was the one who messed around so much that we didn't get to spend the time together that we should have - and," Ethan gulped as emotions began to surface again, "I wasn't even there at the end when she needed me."

As the realisation hit Ethan, he began to shake uncontrollably. Cal immediately reigned in his emotions as he took off his coat and put it around his little brother. As he did so he brought him into another embrace. He placed his chin on the top of his head, "I'm so sorry Ethan," he cried with his brother.

"I know you are Cal. Just remember that it wasn't your fault," the younger man sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'll try..." Cal whispered, as his brother pulled away wiping his face.

"I'm not sure how to deal with this," Ethan said honestly, looking to his big brother for advice.

Cal was once again sat up straight and had slipped back into big brother mode, "There is no right or wrong way little brother, but I will be beside you every step of the way, if you'll let me."

"I was hoping you'd say that," Ethan smiled as more tears escaped from his eyes.

Cal stood, holding his hand out to the still seated doctor, "Come on, let's go and see Honey again."

Ethan slowly got to his feet, feeling safe under the arm of his brother, who had placed it across his shoulders. He found himself mirroring his brother so that they walked back into the hospital arm in arm, ready to face whatever challenges were coming their way - together.

 **Well, that was it! No miracles for Honey I'm afraid - sorry. Just to be clear though, I love them together. Hope you don't hate me to much and that you'll read any of my other stories even after this.**

 **A question - does anyone know if Honey is still working as a pole dancer? I was wondering if anyone in the ED will find out and Ethan has to defend her.**

 **Anyway - I'm going away on Friday for a week, so I don't know if I'll be able to post anything. Hopefully there will be some inspiration from this weekends double episode but if not I might have to wait until the following weekend.**

 **Til next time...**


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